


Lilia

by Lyra_lay



Category: Original Work
Genre: ME - Freeform, Original Character(s), my diary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24121864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_lay/pseuds/Lyra_lay
Summary: Lilia is an angry girl. Lilia is a tired girl. Lilia is a lonely girl.





	Lilia

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably going to be boring for people to read, but oh well I guess.

Lila lay in bed, the Beatles’ Michelle playing on repeat until she had it memorized. No one was online to talk to, and she could feel herself sitting at the edge of a pit. It barely mattered whether someone was online or not. No one ever wanted to talk to Lila anyway. She couldn’t hold a conversation to save her life, and always ended up insulting someone. She couldn’t blame her friends for ignoring her. 

So she lay in bed and pictured herself at the edge of a cliff. Her feet hung off the edge, and she peered off the edge to see a raging ocean below. Just her and the ocean, nothing around her and no one to worry about. Or maybe its just a puddle, she thought. Shallow and unimportant. She was always able to get out, so it wasn’t a big deal or anything. 

A hole. That made more sense. 

Was anyone online now? One person was, a little green dot shining next to Turner’s profile picture. It didn’t matter though, he never joined unless Chase was on voice. Turner didn’t like talking to Lila any way. 

Lila scooted closer to the edge of the puddle. 

Turner never even bothered hiding that he didn’t like talking to her. He had read receipts on, Lila even told him they were on. How hard is it to text someone back? A little angry monster shoved her closer to the puddle. 

Lila, the puddle, and her little angry monster. 

Lila hated Turner. She hated everyone. She hated that they didn’t talk to her and that they didn’t invite her to things and that they didn’t even pretend to like her. In her head they liked her. In her head they wanted to be with her and they always asked her to go get lunch with them. In her head things were perfect. They loved her, they loved her so much. They thought about her and they texted first and they remembered little things she said she liked. In her head... 

“Shut up.” The little monster dug his claws into her neck. Her little monster was good at bringing Lila back. Good at reminding her where she was, and what real life was like. Her angry little monster hated her dreams. “They’re selfish,” He would snarl, “You’re a freak.” Lila hated her monster. In her head she was kind and loving, but in real life? She hated everyone. Her monster smiled, chapped lips stretching into a terrible grin. 

Maybe her friends would like her if she was prettier. She was the fat ugly friend of the group. Of course, her friends would furrow their eyebrows if she ever said something. ‘No,” They would go, “No, you're beautiful.” But anyone could use their eyes and deduce the opposite. She was ugly, all the way to her soul. 

It was dinner time. She already had too much food today, she was past her calorie limit. But it was Mother's Day and she knew she couldn’t skip dinner. The monster slipped into hiding underneath her skin. 

Family dinners were not Lilia’s domain. Just like she couldn’t hold a conversation with her friends, she didn’t know how to speak to her family. She sat in silence eating asparagus and roast beef listening to her grandparents ramble about god knows what. Lilia never actually payed attention. It was always something she didn’t understand, or something she didn’t care about, or something that led to an argument. Her older sister, Rylie, was great at talking to the family. Rylie always had something intelligent to say, whether it was her grandpa talking about politics, or her mom talking about her latest project. Rylie was incredible. Lilia hated how perfect her sister was. 

Rylie was creative and smart and driven. She had just graduated college after studying art for four years. Right before graduating she won a fifty thousand dollar grant to travel the world and meet artists. For six months Lilia went to family dinners and listened to her parents and cousins and grandparents talk about her grant and how incredible it was. Her little monster would try to claw out of her, ready to cause another scene. “Not now,” she would gently tell it, “When we’re alone you can”. So, she would listen, and she would smile, and she would agree. 

Yes, it's incredible, I know. 

Yes, I’m proud of her too. 

Yes, it does take an exceptional person to do something like this. 

Lilia wasn’t exceptional. She wasn’t smart or driven or creative. But it certainly didn’t take a genius to see the question in her relative's eyes when they looked at her. 

When was Lilia going to be as special as her sister? 

Now, finally done with her trip, Rylie was back home with more praise than ever. She had thousands of stories to tell and an audience to tell it to. The whole family asked Lilia about Rylie. The neighbors asked Lilia about Rylie. Lilia’s friends asked Lilia about Rylie. Within days of Rylie coming home, Lilia was thought of as Rylie's sister. She hated hearing about her sister. She hated hearing about the friends Rylie made, or the places Rylie went, or the things Rylie saw. At night her little monster would tear out from under Lilia’s skin. It would claw and bite at her and she would relish it. Her little monster didn’t want to hear about Rylie either. 

Lilia finished dinner with her family. She went into her room, and as soon as the door was shut, she put in her earbuds. Back to listening to Michelle on repeat, she sat at the edge of the puddle again, and let herself drop into the water. A puddle sure, but deep. The water sloshed around her waist, freezing cold. 

She opened her computer. Was anyone online now? Not anyone she was friends with. They were probably celebrating Mother’s Day. Or maybe they were talking to each other without her. Her little monster smiled, but Lilia shook her head. She had told it later, but she wasn’t angry right now. Lilia wanted to go to sleep. She wouldn’t do that of course, she always talked to Chase after midnight. Although now that she thought about it, they hadn’t really spoken in a few days. She wondered if she did anything wrong. The little monster shook his head. “He just hates you” he laughed. The monster was probably right. Lilia wasn’t blind. Chase stopped talking to Lilia. Was she not worth the effort of talking? Chase had insomnia; he wasn’t going to be going to bed any time soon. So why did he keep hanging up on her? Why couldn’t Lilia just be someone worth talking to? 

The water rose a bit, now up to her shoulders. Her little monster sat at the edge of the puddle, bursting into a fit of laughter. Lilia, the puddle, and her monster. Lilia was too tired to deal with this. She climbed out of the puddle and got into bed. 

Sleeping was easy for her. She was good at sleeping.


End file.
